Chances are, you’ve been invited to a Taylor Swift birthday party (or two or three or 12) this year because if there’s one thing the superstar has, it’s multigenerational appeal. I’m a millennial mom and a longtime Swiftie—and somehow, my 5-year-old twins and all their friends seem to love the singer just as much as I do.
Due to Swift’s massive popularity, people are rarely surprised when they hear my daughter is a big fan. But when I mention that my son loves Swift too—and he routinely jams out to “Ready For It?" Well, that’s when people start to have different reactions.
So, I wasn’t terribly surprised when I saw a TikTok from Jolene Dolo (@jolenedolo), which is all about another parent’s reaction to Dolo throwing her son a Taylor Swift-themed birthday party at his request.
“My son is having a Taylor Swift birthday party and yesterday I received a text message from a parent of a child who was invited letting us know that their child will not be attending because it is ‘against their beliefs,’” Dolo says in the TikTok.
“I was a little surprised because [we] live in a pretty progressive area, so most people don’t say things to my face when they have a problem,” Dolo tells Parents. “I get a lot of hate online, but not a lot in our real life. I also never knew RSVPs to be more than just a ‘yes’ or ‘no.' I believe ‘no’ is a complete sentence, especially when I don’t know you like that."
Dolo wondered if she should ask the parent to elaborate but, ultimately, decided against it.
The text message Dolo received leaves room for ambiguity, for sure, but it’s also not terribly difficult to extrapolate that this parent may have had an issue with—gasp—a boy choosing a Swift theme to celebrate his big day.
“I never clarified [the parent’s reasons for claiming this is against their belief system],” Dolo says. “[Some people suggested] the family [may be] Jehovah’s Witnesses and didn’t celebrate birthdays, and that’s a valid thought…but I do know the family celebrates birthdays because I’ve had a passing convo about birthday venues with the mom once.”
Dolo included additional context (and, I might add, some pretty fantastic birthday party inspo) in a subsequent TikTok about the party. In that clip, she acknowledged there may be other reasons at play, like religious or political beliefs, or even just a strong aversion to Swift.
But while assumptions about the meaning behind the other parent’s text are just that, assumptions, this whole scenario opens up a conversation that must be had. There’s no doubt that boys who are big fans of Swift, or Ariana Grande, or Beyonce, or Disney Princesses, or Wonder Woman are definitely regarded in a certain way—and Dolo’s take on why this happens is so spot on, it stopped me in my tracks.
“Our son has always liked the pretty things in life, so we are very used to parents and people gendering things like clothes and hobbies and toys,” she says in her TikTok. “I know that Taylor Swift is very ‘girly pop’. I just was wondering if it works both ways: are little girls not allowed to listen to male artists?”
She goes on to explain, “Because I’ve also found it kind of weird that we don’t want boys liking women like that, or looking up to women…because girls are allowed to look up to girls, and girls are allowed to look up to boys. But boys aren’t allowed to look up to girls. It’s almost like you think it would be a downgrade for them to look up to women.”
Dolo is right: The term “tomboy” doesn’t carry a pejorative connotation, but when we talk about boys who are into things we’ve been socially conditioned to find “girly” or “feminine”? Well, the labels they receive are so offensive that I won’t even list them here. It’s time to unpack that double standard—which, at face value, seems to be one of the only gendered ideas that actually favors girls…that is until you stop to really consider its deeper implications.
“I believe it comes from misogyny,” Dolo tells Parents. “Society tends to view women and the things we do as less than what men do and like. That’s why most people won’t bat an eye at a girl having a Harry Styles birthday, or enjoying sports. It’s seen as an upgrade for women to be ‘not like other girls’ because society doesn’t like girls. We like boys to look at women but we don’t like them to look up to them.”
She might be on to something there—and that needs to change.
